It’s 11:52 in the evening and my mind is going wild with thoughts about everything (I guess I just really need a job to keep myself more occupied with other things but for now all I’m left with are these thoughts, my thoughts) so here goes nothing. Me, in bed, typing furiously on my iPad (Autocorrect gods please be on my side, I have no patience to proof read this after I type it)
I’m so sick of all this negativity. Whether it be about life choices, fashion choices, school choices or sports choices, I can’t understand why people focus solely on the bad, and forget about the good around us.
I’m no perfect “Little Miss Brightside.” I have my bad days where all I can think about is the bad, the ugly and the depressing. But I don’t make a career out of it. I don’t make it a point to bring anyone down or make statements that I know will hit someone or rub someone the wrong way (My Twitter has been my main outlet for most things but I’m really trying now to keep it all positive e.g. I don’t really tweet those “pa tama” tweets for people. No more negativity please!) So this is me, saying it all. I think it’s about time I say something and defend myself from all this negativity.
My Formspring and Me
I recently shutdown my Formspring account. Now you can believe what you want to believe but I shut it down for 3 reasons. First, I got tired of answering questions (sorry, I know it’s so lame of me but I did. It became too much of a routine and I found myself answering the same questions over and over again). Second, I had too many pending questions. I had over 800 questions that I had yet to answer and I obviously knew I was never going to answer all of them, let alone read through all of them. And lastly, I got sick of the negativity. I’m sure a bunch of you think the last reason is actually the only and main reason for me shutting my account down (if some of you even care which I’m sure you don’t haha) but it really wasn’t. And I have nothing to prove. I decided that I just wasn’t going to out myself through unnecessary negativity that would only make me frustrated, annoyed, pissed or sad. No one deserves to feel that way and I wasn’t about to allow myself to feel that way- not anymore, at least. In line with is (why do I have a feeling I’m going to be saying that line a lot? Haha) I’m going to put a stop to some of the questions/accusations/beliefs/opinions/messages I’ve had thrown at me, not because I have anything to prove to anyone (because I don’t) but because I just want to address them, and then be done with them. Forever. Now if you (yes you, you hater/bored/sad little person who feels they need to say mean things to me just to make their day complete) still feel the need to say these things to me here on or Facebook or Twitter, then go right ahead. I’ll just delete whatever it is you said, block you and ignore you. But again, go right ahead. :) So let’s get started.
Yes I’ve made poor choices in the friend department. But I’m working on that.
I’ve trusted the wrong people, loved the wrong people and have been hurt by the people I once thought were my friends. Did I hurt them at one point? Probably. Did I lie to them about something petty during our friendship? Probably. Did I say some hurtful things to them when we’d fight? Of course. But did I use them for anything and pretend to love and care for them during our friendship? No. Not at all. And I will take that with me till the day I die. I loved everyone I once called a friend and still up to this day call a friend. I just really made the wrong choices and well, it hurt me pretty bad. I’m not closing my door to the possibility of being okay with them someday (I’m not saying I’ll befriend or trust them again, but I’m also not saying I’m never going to be able to be in the same room as them forever) For the times I hurt them, I really am sorry. For the times they felt I Lied to them, I’m sorry for that as well. But I will never take back anything I said to them or any memories I have with them. We all make our beds and we have to lie in them. I’m laying in mine as best I can. I just learned that it’s better to trust few and know they are meant to be your friend, than trust a million and not know who’s really on your side. Do I miss them? Sometimes. Do I wish nothing but the best for them? Always.
Bitterness and Betterness in relationships. The gloves are off, but there are no claws coming out.
I’ve honestly always believed, that people are entitled to their own opinions and free to make their own decisions. A person cannot be made to do something they don’t want to do. People can be influenced by others, but at the end of the day it is still their choice to do whatever it is they want to do. In line with this (told you I’d say it again) I want to clarify one thing that I feel I deserve to say, one thing that I feel, once I say it, I will never again bring it up. People, cannot be taken. A person is not an object, therefore, cannot be taken from someone else. Being a child from a broken home, I can say now, after years of being hurt and frustrated, that, my Dad left because he wanted to leave. The marriage of my parents didn’t end up working because some woman stole my father away, or that his group of bad friends infouenced him to do stupid things, but because it just simply wasn’t working out anymore for him. Even with friends. A friend can betray you and side with an enemy you both once hated (I’m sure some of you can relate to the whole your old best friend is now suddenly BFFs with your mortal enemy just to spite you) not because the enemy persuaded or influenced your friend to be with them, but because, as painful as it is to hear, your “friend” wanted to side with them. Wanted to be their friend. I’ve come to find that as painful as it is to hear people accuse you of something that was the same “reason” used by others to describe what happened between the split of your parents, hearing and believing are two different things. I have a clean and clear conscience. I know what it’s like to be left behind by friends, boyfriends and even family. So why the hell would I want someone else to feel that way? Why the hell would I do something that once hurt me so badly to someone else? THAT kind of negativity is just something I wouldn’t even touch. So there. I’ve said what I needed to say and I will say no more. You can send me all the hatemail and hate tweets you want, all the nasty words and statements your sad heart desires. You can hate me and call me whatever it is you want to, but remember this: YOU DON’T KNOW ME and YOU DON’T KNOW EVERYTHING. So get a grip and move on. Smile Lang tayo always. :) Haha
Now Playing: Use Somebody by Kings of Leon
I don’t know where people got the idea that just because one person is more powerful/more good looking/smarter/richer or more popular than the person they’re seeing, then that person is automatically, without a doubt, using them. I don’t believe in using anyone for anything (I have a hard time even just borrowing money from someone) so I don’t understand how this is even an issue people accuse me of. I don’t need to use anyone for anything. This especially means that I don’t “fake love” someone for any benefits they can give me (Uhm hello, I have a house, a wonderful family and money to take care of my most basic needs- not to sound mayabang but it’s true) so why on Earth would I need someone for anything? I’m not with who I’m with to get ahead in life. I’ve always had to work for what I have and I have no plans of changing that. I’m a hard worker and I work to better myself and my future.
Mirror Mirror, on the wall, Y U SO VAIN?!
First of all, this is MY blog. So it’s filled with MY thoughts and MY pictures and stuff about MY life. If you didn’t want to know anything about me, then Y U EVEN READING AND VISITING MY BLOG?! I treat this as my own little outlet for anything and everything about my life. Yes I could’ve just written everything down in a journal, but I honestly don’t see anything wrong with having a public outlet for things. I’m not revealing any incriminating (if there is even any) evidence or any information that can endanger my loved ones so I think a blog is perfectly fine to have (plus the dashboard of tumblr is so fun to browse through) I’m not vain. I’m one of the most insecure people you’ll ever meet. Ask anyone who knows me. I don’t think I’m gorgeous, I don’t think I’m the best and I don’t think I’m better than other people (except for the haters and meanies/bullies out there). I have my worst days and the days I feel super ugly (I’m actually now battling a zit that plans to apparently take over my face) and I don’t feel pretty about 70% of the time. No I’m not fishing for compliments. No I’m not trying to sound humble or whatever. I’m being true. I’m being honest. So please, enough with the negativity about looks and outfits and blogs. Not just for me but for everyone.
God? For real?! What a hypocrite.
WHY? BAWAL BA TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD?
No. I’m not faking a relationship with God. No, I’m not pretending to be a good girl with a great big heart. I have my flaws and I have my sins and I battle them everyday. I don’t eunderstand why people automatically question the GOD relationship in anyone’s life once they start to speak more about it. Even in the case of Manny Pacquiao. Who the hell says that because of his new found faith he lost?! How finding God made him lose his “killer instinct”??? Yes you are entitled to your own opinion and yes you can speak it freely but, come on… It amazes me how low someone will go to try and bring another person down… Why all this negativity???
Woah. I’ve said way too much and it’s already 1 in e morning. I’ve spent a good hour or more writing this all down and I think it’s time I stopped. I need to try and sleep, hopefully this entry helps lighten the load I’m carrying mentally. It’s a big game this morning for Miami and Oklahoma! How exciting, I’m definitely going to watch for the love that is LeBron James :):):):):)
So goodnight everyone. And for those that read this and listened to me, thank you. And for those who hate me or hate me more after this, thank you. Your negativity and hatred towards me has only pushed me to be better as a person.
I know I haven’t even graduated yet but I already feel so nostalgic about college. They really weren’t kidding when they said that college is the best and fastest 4 years of your life- they certainly were for me. My college life has got to be the most colorful chapter in my life so far, filled with ups and downs, laughs and cries and a whole lot of things in between. I decided to make a blog entry on just a few things I learned in college, and what college has taught me. Take note, the pictures here are all from my first year in college until my last, so not only is there a change in hair but in outfits (some were just so horrible) as well! Haha :)
For those who’ve been left behind.
For those who’ve been Forgotten.
For those who’ve been Hurt.
Remember: As impossible, unfathomable and unbelievable as it may seem, YOU, yes YOU, are LOVED.
You are LOVED.
Never forget. For you matter. YOU, MATTER. To someone. To THE one.