I don’t know what else to call this post except how I feel. I am livid.
So for those who want to be all GV and have a great weekend then, well, please don’t read this post.
But this is my blog and I can say whatever the hell I want to- when I want to so here it goes.
I’m so angry right now, my heart is racing and my eyes are tearing. I don’t know if anyone of you have actually experienced this feeling but it sucks. I’m so angry I’m at the point of crying. I’m so angry that I can feel my heart racing- definitely not in the good sense (obviously). I don’t even plan on proof reading this so if there are any mistakes, well, screw it.
I just hate being cancelled on. Being set aside. Being let down.
I. HATE. IT.
I especially hate it when you make plans and move everything and everyone around to accommodate whatever it is you have your mind, schedule and HEART set on.
Then the shit hits the fan.
It’s my own fault, really. I came into this thinking I could handle it. But the truth is, I’m having a really really REALLY hard time. I’ve been adjusting for as long as I can remember and I don’t know how much more “adjusting” I have in me. It’s so sad to know that no matter what you do, whether it’s in your control or not (which it mostly isn’t ever in your control) you have to be put aside to make room for something else.
And that’s what pisses me off.
I never liked it. I never was a fan of it. I never really ever appreciated it. And now it’s effing up my life.
Yes it’s this moment now, but it’s not like this is the first time. Maybe I’m just emotional, maybe I’m just a disappointed whiny girl; or maybe, I’m just so filled up already.
I hate this. I really do. I’m so angry I don’t know what to even do. I want to scream. I want to cry. I want to shout. I’m so upset and I hate it. I hate this feeling.
So what better way to figure out what is it I want to do then blog right? Screw it. This is my outlet so for those who are reading please just understand, this is how I’m dealing with it. Hope you don’t think it’s annoying or hate me HAHA
Anyway, there. As far as I know, the only real solution I have in my head is to just step aside and let everything happen. Wait for everything to finish up and then figure out how to go from there. Am I even making any sense? Oh well.
It sucks to be second. I love the number 2, but it’s so hard to be second at things some times. Especially when you feel you’re #1 but in reality, with the situation that is out of “anyone’s” control- you’re not.
You’re not on top. You’re not the first.
NOT. NOT. NOT.
Ugh. Whatever. Enough already. I’ve ranted and whined too much. Guess I just got to get used to this- this feeling that is. I’ve got a little less than a month to go anyway.
Let’s see how I feel by then.
Cause right now, I don’t give a shit anymore.